http://conflictcompetence.com Doing Conflict Better Sun, 21 Feb 2010 23:51:36 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en If the goal is to be competent in conflict situations, i.e. do conflict better, how am I defining 'competent' and 'better'? Anecdotally, I'd start with it meaning: to have appropriate skills and experience to deal with those stresses and pressures that come with interactions that reduce your sense of wellbeing and ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2010/02/21/what-does-it-mean-to-be-conflict-competent/ Some professional mediators were talking and the question came up about when to "use" conflict management techniques. Those in the conversation wanted to know when it was okay to behave 'normally' and when they were to behave with conflict competence. There was a lively discussion about this.After the various arguments ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2010/01/26/conflict-management-and-the-movies/ On 10 December, 2009, President Barak Obama accepted the Nobel Peace Prize and gave the Laureate address in Oslo, Norway. I listened with interest for many reasons, one of which was because it was the Peace Prize awarded to the President of a nation at war.  That’s a bit challenging ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2010/01/06/conflict-management-lessons-can-come-from-anywhere/ A blind spot is anything that, because of your identity and experience and location, you cannot see or understand. This week, I was the after-meeting speaker for an association. The topic was one of my favorites, Developing Conflict Competence.As usual, it was an interactive session in which the audience members ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/11/28/blind-spot-analysis/ Hospital administrators and public health officials are sleeping somewhat better knowing that they have flu pandemic plans in place. The plans develop policies for such items as who gets what in which order of priority.Pandemic planning seems to depend on the expectations that patients, families and loved ones will ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/11/01/pandemic-panic-conflict/ It happens, as an intervention proceeds, that parties in conflict learn more about the other parties' perspectives. Often, the result is that someone wants to apologize for behaviour that seemed reasonable at the time. Learning from the discussion in the mediation what the impact of that behaviour was on the ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/08/31/apologies-have-a-role-in-conflict-management/ Anecdotally, if I had to pick a leading cause of conflict, I would say it's disaapointed expectations. someone wants something done and the other doesn't accomplish it a lover misses a cue to be supportive the boss had a particular deadline or quality of work in mind that was missed children aren't quiet when ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/07/31/disappointed-expectations-are-a-source-of-conflict/ The recent report that there is a massive disproportion of boy children over girl children in some countries confirms what has been known for a while. Preference for male heirs has put the lives of baby girls at risk. This has been deplored for all the reasons of law, morality, ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/06/30/assumptions-about-truth/ As well as enthralling and enchanting, the Galapagos Islands are enlightening. Iguanas, blue footed boobies, sea lions, and penguins, are abundant and have complex social communities. It was fascinating to see their dynamic interactions in species and among species. Here is one key thing I learned about conflict from observing the ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/06/30/lesson-on-conflict-from-the-galapagos-islands/  This week I was at a typical stand-with-a-glass-in-hand cocktail reception, standing in a group with a glass in my hand. I noticed two women very near me in the crowded room. One of the two had an interesting looking book in her arm. I tried to see the title. The ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/05/07/good-manners-good-conflict-management/  This week I participated in a webinar conducted by Insight Fusion. A community of consultants doing work on innovation in organizations followed an online slide show and discussed the ways to engage people whether they believe that knowledge is important or they believe that exploration is important. My interest in participating ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/04/29/know-your-thinking-and-belief-style-to-be-conflict-competent/ These are tough times in lots of different contexts. It seems like the reactions to tough times also vary, and some reactions are people acting out their fears and anxieties.Behavior seems to be following the worsening economic indicators, which is viewed by some as a justifiable response to stress. This ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/04/20/are-peaceful-workplaces-possible/ Two friends stopped talking to each other after a disagreement. They each thought the relationship was over because they had officially called the friendship off. Yet, when they each individually saw their mutual friends, that fight was all they talked about.Some think that once people are in a conflict, their ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/03/15/conflict-is-a-relationship/ Except in the extreme cases of the strong imposing or controlling others' behaviors, we each have control over ourselves. That gives each of us the power and ability to begin to change our conflicts into more positive events. We don't have to wait for someone to agree or give us ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/02/23/you-dont-need-permission-to-change-a-conflict/ As much as we might like to believe we are impartial (without bias or prejudice), no one is that objective or free of socialized or cultural influences. We all have biases towards or against certain things. Even though we may be unaware of it, our thoughts, words, body language and behaviors ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2009/01/31/it-depends-finding-balance-in-conflict/ On Sunday, a group of 25 senior citizens gathered to watch a 1934 movie about a family torn apart by conflict between a mother we'll call M and her daughter-in-law we can call S. Over 15 years of the story, the rift got deeper and uglier, until the 13 year ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/12/31/transforming-conflict-attitudes/ Abortion is a deeply divisive social conflict. Conversations about social conflicts tend to follow a pattern that is typified this week by the exchange between the University of Calgary administration and Campus Pro-Life.Interactions around social conflicts tend to follow this script: First, a group raises an issue about which they ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/12/08/university-versus-its-students-need-not-be-adversarial/ Sometimes, the stars align. As 2008 closes on a low note, let's not forget that change is born in turbulence.At the mega-scale, there's the economic crisis, global climate change, ongoing war, and a new regime in America. At the micro-scale, it translates into worry about personal finances, different decisions about ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/11/25/perfect-crises-perfect-opportunity/ President-elect Obama advocating the politics of hope and caring communities in times of crisis has triggered imaginations around the globe. What captured my imagination was something he said that was written off as a sign of naivety. He said he is prepared to talk to those who are perceived to be enemies to ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/11/16/talking-with-the-enemy/ 18 October, 2008. Everything really is connected to everything else.  Kathy and Nina, dear friends, colleagues, teachers, and mentors to many, were married in a Quaker meeting in Toronto. As wonderful as the wedding was, as happy as we all were to bear witness to their joy, perhaps the best part was the ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/10/19/interconnecting-peace-environment-safety-health/ This week I gave a workshop on the patterns of conflict we get into that we cycle through and can't seem to break. There were 14 smart, caring, good people in the room, and they shared a common quality: They recognized that they were having the same conflicts over and ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/10/12/conflict-patterns/ Our climate is changing and so must we - all our actions matter. That is the conclusion of a small group of dedicated people who, during  three 12 hour days, worked out a process for Albertans to come together to tackle the difficult issue of global and local climate change. We all ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/09/29/deliberative-democracy-talking-about-difficult-public-issues/ It's discouraging, after devoting decades to helping people develop conflict competence, to wander into the realm of SideTaker.com, Whoiswrong.com, and other 'blog war' sites. These are unmediated, democratic cyberspace, where everyone is entitled to be conflict incompetent for an audience.Except, it isn't a democracy that builds capacity, or creates social ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/09/22/sidetakercom-no-wonder-we-lack-conflict-competence/ At a recent mediation, two parties described the events that created their conflict. One (let’s call the first person A) had handed the other (that would be person B) a letter containing information that deserved priority attention. After that, the two versions were very different in intention although they could ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/09/21/interpretation-and-conflict-competence/  Work this busy month has revolved around a theme: dedicated, ethical, and well-liked people got into conflicts that could have been prevented or solved early. My clients were in situations that left them feeling unfairly treated, angry, misunderstood, and/or the victim of an injustice. How did it get to be this way ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/09/21/preventing-conflict/ Use this list to navigate to the archives of posts past:   Conflict is data 2008-05-11    Conflict when the Goals are the Same 2008-05-07 Conflict Competence: Neanderthal to Now 2008-05-03  Peacemaking Sports 2008-04-25 Personal Decisions Create Peace 2008-04-24 An Improbable Fairy Tale Of Alien Romance 2008-04-16  Conflict Ghost Stories 2008-04-14 Consult Thy Neighbours 2008-04-06 Good Governance in Government 2008-04-06   Managing Environmental Conflicts 2008-04-06 What is Conflict Competence 2008-04-06  Sports for Peace 2008-04-06Conflict Life Cycles 2008-06-16Travel for ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/08/10/complete-list-of-all-posts/  The best information we get under even normal conditions is imperfect. No one can know everything necessary to figure out what will happen next. We get facts and then trust the facts are accurate and are the ones we need for the problems on our plates. But all facts are ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/08/08/problem-solving-for-success/ It's become a mantra that stress ages; stress kills; stress reduces quality of life. Stress is a major problem of the modern developed world. There are a lot of strategies for reducing and managing stress. Notoriously missing from the list of ways you can control your stress level is perhaps the most obvious ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/08/02/managing-conflict-reduces-stress/ A conflict analysis is based on and in turn informs the conflict mental map everyone creates as the situation unfolds. The conflict mental map keeps the action integrated and organized in people’s heads, for making decisions while under the stresses of conflict.Conflict mental maps help me explain what I am ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/07/25/conflict-mental-maps-1/ International jet travel is the last big ecological footprint I make. In 1999 I sold my car, and now bike, walk, bus, or car-share. I buy only what's necessary. Nothing gets wasted; not energy, water, food, or goods and services. Having made environmental concerns the filter for all decision making for over ... http://conflictcompetence.com/2008/07/01/travel-for-dialogue-while-we-still-can/